Paragraph Critique.

In my class, the thing that needed that most work was point transition sentences. Some people had transitions but no points. Some people had points but no transitions. Some people didn't have either of them. If you don't include these, your paper sounds really choppy and people might not understand what you're saying. Along with the same subject, a lot of people had weak transitions. You don't want plain transitions that 1st graders use. You need transitions that flow with the paper and fit the topic.

I haven't read my paper to the class yet, but there were a lot of things I changed from my first draft to my final one. A big thing was my quotes. I have good quotes and I didn't choose new ones, mine were just really long. I didn't know that you didn't have to use the entire quote. I also changed the embedding for my quotes. Embedding makes everything flow more, and if your embedding doesn't fit with the quote it doesn't make much sense. There are plenty of other things I'm sure I need to work on, but I need another persons point of view to see them.